Author’s Note

For the initial 15-20 minutes after I was approached to be a collaborator for TCG, I felt apprehensive because writing has not been a strong suit for me. But then I remembered something I had recently read in a book, “If you are given an opportunity and do not know how to work for it, take it and learn how to do it later.” And that’s how I said yes to being part of TCG community. So, writing this piece is my way of honing the craft of storytelling and learning how to write on the way.

For me, the purpose of stepping out of my comfort zone and penning this, along with forthcoming pieces, is to illuminate and amplify the diverse experiences of women, traversing various spheres of life around the globe. I assure you that there will be many amazing topics about women’s issues covered on this platform in the coming months, but for my first, I wanted to tell about my journey and experiences as a small town girl. Growing up in a small town, I believe my upbringing shaped my character and carved me into a common yet different woman. By “common”, I mean being able to relate to other women and girls from small towns in terms of values, principles, beliefs, and backgrounds. By “different”, I refer to being unique with my ways, decisions and visions.

The small town of Almora

I hail from Almora, a quaint hill town nestled in the state of Uttarakhand, India. Uttarakhand is a state located in Northern India, home to some tall Himalayan peaks, forests of Chir pine and deodar. Within Uttarakhand, there are two divisions: Kumaon and Garhwal, and I proudly belong to the Kumaon region, making me a “Kumaoni”. The term ‘Kumaon’ finds its roots in ‘Kurmanchal,’ symbolizing the realm of Kurma, the tortoise incarnation of ‘Lord Vishnu.’ Transitioning to my hometown, Almora, it is renowned for its awe-inspiring vistas, sunkissed horizons, and a deeply ingrained sense of cultural heritage and traditional values among its inhabitants.

Growing up in Almora, I noticed that the essence of life for the residents is beautifully simple: rising early to bask in the crisp morning air and gentle sunlight, diligently attending to daily tasks, savoring ample portions of fresh, nourishing food, and retiring to bed by 10pm. Contentment abounds in the society; there is no frenetic pursuit of wealth or fame, only a peaceful acceptance of what they already have. Further, the concept of living in joint families is prevalent and has over taught generations about being respectful, being able to share family resources and the importance of sacrifices we make for our loved ones.This essence didn’t leave me untouched. I also imbibed the simpler life concept as a philosophy and even though I now live in a big city and only return to my hometown once or twice a year as a tourist, the values and ideals I learned here have stuck with me.

The burden of a small town girl

Despite the good values and simplistic lifestyle, growing up as a girl in a small town came with lots of unsaid rules, mostly influenced by the traditional gender norms. You had to be quiet and polite and were expected to do what the adults said. When guests came, you had to bring them water and make them tea. Inside, you mostly played with dolls, pretending to get them married or having tea parties with other girls and their dolls. You were told to sit properly and not spread your legs on the bed if someone is around. If you were shy and played nicely with other girls, you were praised. But if you were too loud or played with boys, you got in trouble. It sometimes feels like a heavy weight on one’s shoulders, trying to follow all the rules.

My sisters and friends behaved this way, and for a while, I did too. I didn’t dislike it. Like everyone else, I saw it as how things should be. We all accepted the idea of being polite and submissive as a girl was believed to make us into good women.

But, one sunny day, when I was around 13 years old, something changed my perspective. We had guests over, and my eldest sister, who was always polite and kind, wasn’t home. This posed a problem because she usually took care of serving guests with drinks and kind words. It was never something I had to worry about; she always had it covered. However, on this particular day, she wasn’t home, and I suddenly realized I had to serve the water. Just as I was about to do it, one of my grandmothers said to my dad, right in front of me and the guests, “She hasn’t served the guests water yet. What is she going to do in her husband’s house when she gets married?”I felt incredibly embarrassed, like someone had choked me up. Holding back tears, I brought glasses of water for the guests, feeling ashamed. Despite seeing so many examples of well-behaved girls in our small town, I felt like I hadn’t learned anything.

As I carried the tray to serve the guests, I noticed my dad watching me. He politely asked for the tray and started serving the guests. I was just a second away from having a breakdown moment, but suddenly, while serving the guests, my dad looked at the grandmother (his aunt) and courteously responded “If my daughter can’t serve water to her husband or her in-laws, I hope she finds a husband who serves water to her instead.”

I was in awe of what my dad had just said. At that very moment, I felt so much strength. It’s been 15 or 16 years since that moment, but it remains vivid in my memory. My dad’s subtle words in front of everyone reassured me that it was okay to not conform to expectations. It also taught me that, at times you will need courage to take your stand, but it should always be coupled with courtesy and respect. In that moment, as my dad and I made eye contact, I felt a sense of understanding and acceptance that I hadn’t experienced before, as if my dad telling me, “go fly”.

It was the first time, as far back as I can recall, that I smiled not with my lips, but with my eyes. And my dad, he smiled back.

Newly found wings

As a teenage girl, it was an extremely strengthening moment. If just 5 or 6 readers can relate to the sense of empowerment and upliftment I felt that day, then sharing this anecdote has fulfilled its purpose.

It was the day I realized that all women have the potential to be anything they want and more, but societal norms sometimes hold us back. I also learned that all it takes is one nudge, whether from within ourselves or from someone else, to break free from the limitations. That’s all it takes.

Numerous subsequent moments have played a part in shaping me into the woman I have become. As a young girl, I began to see beyond the confines of gender norms. I vividly recall the butterflies of excitement I often felt when I started to believe that the idea of one-size-fits-all didn’t apply to me, and that even if it did at times, I could reject it. During this transformative period, I also absorbed valuable lessons in family philosophy from my close-knit family. Growing up in a middle-class, joint family taught me the importance of respect, humbleness, patience, respect, and sharing with others.With this new understanding of life, I decided to carve out my own path, a journey on which I’m still on. I have learnt about perseverance, such as in starting a relationship in my late teens and sustaining it for 17 years, making it thrive despite the distance and different opinions of others and staying unmarried into my thirties despite having this relationship.

Carving one’s path would at times necessitate starting over from scratch again and again. Like leaving a well-paying career in India to pursue further education and start my life as a student in Germany. At times, it would need moments of convincing loved ones, like choosing not to marry in my twenties despite being in a committed relationship, or deciding to leave India in my late twenties to pursue a master’s degree, and later, returning to India despite the allure of a life in Europe. At times, the path requires being walked  alone.

Through all of these, the combination of my common yet different traits have guided me. I remained assured that the common values I acquired, much like those instilled in other girls from my town, would keep me grounded. Yet, the traits that made me different, which I have acquired while navigating challenges and striving to make things go my way, would drive me forward, even in the face of worst setbacks. And indeed, there have been many setbacks —enough to fill future blogs if TCG will take the tales of a woman’s failures. Through the setbacks and the successes, I have kept moving forward relentlessly, buoyed by the support and trust of my loved ones.

My journey is not perfect or superior. I guess no one’s is. My journey is simply mine and it has fostered in me a sense of contentment and fulfillment on which I live. The journey has not been without regrets, but because I embrace my regretful decisions and learn from them, I tend to move forward with a sense of wholeness. As a woman in her early thirties, I now have deep understanding of what it means that failure is simply another opportunity to learn and evolve.

I feel grateful to the young girl within me who wasn’t born with wings but earned them along the journey, ultimately mastering the art of flying against the wind.